Turning 33… 🖤

Hey y’all, Kiki here… this blog post will be a little different than usual. I reconnected with J, one of my best friends from middle school recently & it made me realize everyone needs to have someplace to express themselves. We are surrounded by “perfect” people, relationships, homes, cars…etc.… everyone is “perfect” but that’s all a façade. I’m not meaning to disrespect anyone by saying that but life is hard, mistakes will be made, and you will be challenged & tested like you never believed you would be… may not be today, tomorrow, or a year from now but at some point in time, it’s going to happen… 😏

My birthday is almost a month away & there is something about turning 33 that has awakened this deep devotion to finding myself this year. I’ve spent my twenties pouring into other people. I spent time & energy listening to other people’s problems, dreams, and opinions… & yes that’s what good friends are supposed to do but not when the same isn’t given. Not when you’re watering down your own existence to meet their comfort level. You see having spent so many years worried about offending someone, worried about burning bridges with friends or family (blood-related or inlaws)… all because of my beliefs, opinions & interests…. I became bitter, resentful, & angry… with myself. Having allowed myself to give others so much power over my mind, body & soul just so they could “accept” me… that’s not how my parents raised me. I was raised to have a voice, even if it made people uncomfortable… that I was allowed to be myself. 😩

When I was 20… I’d call people out in such a harsh, abrupt way if I felt disrespected…which left a sour taste in people’s mouths & nothing ever changed. They’d continue with backhanded compliments, or subtle disrespectful comments… fast forward to my 30’s & I’ve tried having mature conversations, heartfelt, genuine talks but still nothing changed… even with boundaries placed. I’m not perfect but when you hear what people say & think about you, you try all sorts of ways to communicate & waste so much time & energy only for your feelings to not matter…it takes a toll. No more. 🚫

So what does that mean now for ol’ Kiki? Well it means I’m placing healthy, respectful boundaries in my life, I’m focused on my relationship, my family & friends who bring me joy & accept me. I’m no longer worried about peoples feelings when it comes to cutting ties, be it with family or friends… my peace is everything & if you want a place in my life then my boundaries will be respected. 33 is going to be the year where I focus on my health, love & traveling/making memories. I’m seeking nothing but happiness & finding myself… if you aren’t in support of me or how I choose to do that then quietly leave my life because I’m no longer entertaining opinions when it comes to me. 💗